By My dream of being an independent girl came true when I was just 19. I received my first paycheck as a registered nurse. Can you imagine a 5 ft. tall girl receiving a bundle of 50 notes, each worth Rs. 500? This is a true event from 5 years ago.
I remember giving almost half of my salary to my mom. I gave my younger brother a pizza treat, bought a new jacket for my elder sister’s birthday and gifted myself a bath towel from Miniso. It was tagged Rs. 1200. That’s expensive but I bought it anyway.
Before I could downright my teenage days, my life was revolving from home to work and back from work to home.
The life of a nurse was super capricious. From my morning shift, day shift, and twice a week, I was working 12 hours long night shift. My looks varied from a Royal princess to a street beggar, depending upon my shift and patient’s flow.
That thrill in life was a joy for me, and being productive was fuel to my engine. I was super busy with my life and was quite happy. Plus, satisfied. But with my busy schedule, I was struggling to spend quality time with my family and close buddies. I neither time to share my day with them nor did I listen to their stories.
Few months after I received my first paycheck, something unreal happened. I still remember that night clearly. I was back from my duty and was super exhausted. My best friend video called me. It was 11 pm at night. She was whining about her on and off a relationship.
“I am going to break up with him for sure. I don’t think I want to see his face anymore.’ She cried on the video call as I watched her tears roll down her nose from the other side of the phone.
‘We had a big argument again.’ She repeated this phrase every few seconds. Then she started pouring all her frustration out towards me. By then I was tired, sleepy, and sick of listening to her personal relationship problems. Her naggings too.
I replied, ‘For god’s sake, can you stop talking about your personal problems this late? I had a long shift today and have a longer shift tomorrow. So, I am off to bed. We shall talk about your childish problem tomorrow, okay?”
She was trying to say something to me but I hung up the call. I pushed my notification to silent mode, turned off the Wi-Fi, and went to bed.
I woke up to my alarm the next day. It was already 10 am. The alarm was snoozing. As I swiped the button to turn it off, I saw 150 miss calls and 30 unread text messages.
‘Gosh! That’s irritating’, I thought. It was my friend from last night and Pramiti; my next best buddy.
Though it was unusual to receive such a huge number of calls early in the morning, I took that as usual day.
I made my bed, brushed my teeth and then called Pramiti first. As she picked up the call, I noticed that her voice was shaking as if she had been crying for hours.
I asked her what’s wrong. I felt the range of emotions in her voice. Minutes later she said, ‘Shona’s brother called me a few hours ago. He said Shona passed away last night.’
I was numbed. I didn’t believe what I heard. I took few seconds of pause out of shock at that sentence.
‘They might be pranking us Pramiti. How can that happen? I just had a conversation with her yesterday.’ I tried to prove her wrong, ‘I am pretty sure they are lying to us, Ha Ha Ha!” The laugh was not funny anymore.
I wasn’t ready to accept what I just heard. I denied her statement and I called in Shona’s cell phone.
But when his brother picked the call and revealed that his sister took her last breathe last night while sleeping, I was hurt the most. I knew she was suffering from epilepsy. But I didn’t know yesterday would be our last conversation.
I felt like an unlucky friend to her. I recalled how rude I was with her the last night. I wished I would have listened to her. I felt horrible and hopeless. And this time, she wasn’t there to listen to my pain.
Even today, I have kept her photo on my wall. Every year on her birthday I apologize to her for being rude on her last day.
I take a moment to thank her to teach me a lesson to value time and respect everyone around me.
I have finally started to find time for my family and friends. I stay productive and am grateful for what I have. I wholeheartedly express my love towards those whom I care about the most.
As said,
Life is short, today we are spirited, and tomorrow we might not
Time could be good for you today, it may get the lowest hereafter
Today we have wealth, honor in the association, tomorrow it may not even survive
So why do we have ego, jealousy, or negativity towards each other
WHY?
I have stopped taking anything or anyone for granted. I listen to others. I call my friends whenever I feel like I should, and I make sure that I tell them what they mean to me. And moreover, I listen to their stories and nagging whenever they feel like sharing.
-Written by Anushka Thapa
Photo by Moose Photos
Why I Don’t Want To Die | Written by Susan Chaudhary [Offline Thinker]
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