By Misogyny refers to the feeling of hating women or the belief that men are much better than women. It is a dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. This can be practiced by both men and women. Internalized misogyny can be understood as the act of distancing or belittling women along with shaming them due to the belief that their gender is inferior. It is also known as internalized sexism. For example, girls claim that they are different by saying that they’re not like other girls. They try to project their superiority by bringing other women down. Another example would be girls claiming to be “one of the boys” because they are indoctrinated that men are superior and it is better to be more like men than being similar to women.
Internalized misogyny can be seen in the form of covert and subtle sexism. Covert sexism is a hidden form of unfair and unequal treatment of women whereas subtle sexism looks harmless on the outside but could have a devastatingly sinister impact on our everyday lives, or on the lives of people who regularly face it. There are standards set even for the same job for men and women in almost all workplaces. For example, when a man and a woman are interviewed for a job position that involves traveling continuously for fieldwork, a woman is often asked if she plans to get married, have a child, and so on.
Women shame other women for making choices that don’t favor the patriarchal norms that they are taught to follow. Women shaming women who choose to work outside of their homes by questioning their character is a major sign of them internalizing misogyny. Many women express that they are not considered mature or responsible enough because they aren’t married. They are told to focus more on getting “settled” within their “marriage eligible age” than focusing on their thriving careers. Some women are even disowned for not choosing childbearing and marriage over their jobs.
Some sociologists and social psychologists believe that we enter our everyday lives with inherently preconceived biases. This thought to be innocent bias is another form of subtle sexism. People need to be aware of the subtleties of sexism because when we are busy combating the blatant ways of sexism, the subtle forms slowly creep in and invade our lives spreading its roots deep into everyone’s mind. It gets so entwined with our lives that we start becoming unable to distinguish what actually is sexism and what is not. When someone tries raising a question about it, they are shut down either by men or even women themselves because it is too normalized by that point.
Misogyny can be sensed in various compliments that are given to women. For example, when a woman succeeds in a field dominated by men she’s often praised by female elders saying, “छोरी भएर छोरा जस्तो काम गर्यो (chhori bhayera chhora jastai kaam garyo” i.e. despite being a daughter you did the work of a son. This might be coming with a good intention but it also shows how women consider themselves as inferior and have internalized the misogyny without ever realizing it. Similarly, being told that a daughter is the son of the family if she’s the only child or is the one looking after her parents shows that people firmly believe in preconceived gender roles. “You are brave like a man.” “You’re strong like a man.” These are some of the numerous compliments that women get which depict how misogyny is normalized and internalized. It needs to be understood that comparing a woman to a man is not a compliment when they are just being themselves. We need to eliminate the concept that women are trying to be like men or competing with them.
Many women who oppress other women do not do it because it frees them from the patriarchy itself; it just provides them the freedom to act like the very patriarchs and when you have been given nothing for almost all of your life, even being a woman who actively participates in their own oppression is tempting enough. This can be seen with females in offices who are in positions of authority. They exhibit the characters of having “Queen Bee syndrome” where such females especially in the workplace, tend to be more critical of their subordinates who are female. Women who choose to be more sexually active are belittled by considering them as impure or used or low in moral character while men are praised for having more “experience”. Women are brainwashed into thinking that they should hold on to their virginity with their dear life. There are traditions where a white sheet is spread on the bed to see bloodstains on the first night of marriage to see if the bride is a virgin or not. Women take pride in their “virginity” and see women who aren’t as inferior to them. The idea that a woman must be “virgin” until her marriage shows how controlling society gets. Women are heavily questioned when they want to exercise their bodily autonomy. Considering so many countries and or states have an abortion as completely illegal, it shows how patriarchy controls women’s bodies.
Behavior towards menstruating women is another important issue. Women are treated as untouchables and women themselves are seen to be the gatekeepers of such traditions. Relating to menstruation is a tradition named “Chhaupadi” which is practiced in the western parts of Nepal. In this tradition, during each menstruation cycle every month, women and girls are secluded and banished outside their homes to a makeshift hut or even livestock shed. For a week, menstruating women and girls, who are deemed impure, are banned from touching the rest of the family members or things in the house. Many deaths have been reported due to this tradition and numerous attempts have been made to discourage it but people simply don’t want to give it up. Even the women of these parts strongly oppose giving up because they believe they are doing the right thing. It is deeply ingrained into the minds and they do not even realize that they are becoming the victim of misogyny through religion. Even women of educated families practice this tradition by not allowing the daughters to enter into the kitchen or worship room while they are menstruating. Such women believe that they are keeping the culture and tradition alive when in reality they are keeping the deep-rooted misogyny alive.
Women who believe that a social hierarchy is natural and support the existence of patriarchy see their own low-status place within it as legitimate. They think that they should be cherished, protected, and provided with all their needs. This stemmed from the fact that women weren’t allowed to be independent in the past as much as they are now. An example of this mindset can be that women often want a financially well-settled man when they are looking for a man for marriage, and expect to be a good significant other by only knowing how to perform domestic duties. Women not only impose patriarchy by expecting men to secure their lives but also reinforce the stereotypical gender roles by doing so.
It can be confirmed that women will require years and years of learning new things, unlearning old teachings, and educating themselves and others to detangle themselves from the puzzle of internalized misogyny. Women will have to be more open-minded and more conversations need to take place that will help women and men understand how problematic and deep-rooted this problem is. This will be a long process but an eye-opening one for the true liberation of not only bodies but also the minds of women.
