By Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. But have you also heard of being ‘alive yet dead?’
Yes, I have killed myself and I have died many times for various reasons. Let me explain to you what it feels like to die.
I still remember my childhood days. I was a happy and innocent boy. But unfortunately, I don’t remember my birthplace. In a sense, I feel like an identity crisis. I was new to this world, unknown of pains and sufferings. I was growing but the system tried to suffocate me. When I went to school to get an education, most of the educational institutions ignored my presence due to my disability. I was told I was unfit and got boycotted from the classroom. That’s why I got killed first. My basic right to education was murdered because of my personal issues.
Then I sought governmental help. Their thoughts and attitude towards me were not good. The way they looked at me, the way they felt about me, made me insecure. When I heard the word ‘Inclusion’, it was like stabbing me from the back. I was not included in that group. And ‘I’ am the representative of many voiceless voices that are never heard or included in the society’s minimum criteria. Don’t give me a job, or even another opportunity with inclusion because it’s not real. It’s just a word. It’s not true.
The reality is different. Your world and mine are different. You might be alive and living but I am alive yet dead. I was killed, not physically but socially, psychologically, and brutally. My dreams are killed. Opportunities are smashed down. Humanity is strangled to death. And you still think, only after leaving the Earth one dies? I don’t think so, if one’s dream, opportunity, and hope are killed, one dies from within. It’s equal to suicide in the inner world.
Instead, I am in favor of those who leave the nation and settle abroad. At least they die once for the nation and can live a new life abroad. But I die here time and again- sometimes for others’ sake and sometimes due to my personal insecurities and weakness.
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