By How Attachment Styles Affects Your Relationships.
Of everything that ever existed and will exist, one thing humankind cannot afford to lose is love. That also from relationships they share with people around them.
Of all relationships, the most vital one is with parents and child; that relies on attachment.
Attachment is a lasting psychological contentedness between human beings. As simple as it sounds, the attachment a child shares with parents or any caregivers has a lasting impact on his relationships throughout life; especially intimate ones.
There are four major styles of attachments; One secure and three Insecure. Well, that’s exactly why insecure relationships are common. Let’s delve in to find out.
The four styles of attachments are:
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Secure attachment
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Ambivalent-insecure attachment
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Avoidant-insecure attachment
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Disorganized-insecure attachment
Secure attachment styles
If children are able to separate from their parents and greet them with positive emotions upon their return, they share a secure attachment style. It’s definitely not that the little one does not miss his parents. It’s that he has faith in their return. In this style, a child seeks comfort from parents when they fear or experience hardship.
Parents are their safe haven. People who grew with such a secure attachment style have trusting and lasting relationships. They tend to have good self-esteem. They are comfortable in sharing feelings with their friends and partners.
Hence, they seeking out social support when required and build healthy-lasting relationships.
They are less likely to break-up; but even if they do, they understand that breaking up does not mean the end of the world.
They can stay friends and continue to share beautiful memories.
Ambivalent-insecure attachment
Children with ambivalent-insecure attachment styles are more likely to be wary of strangers. They become distressed when their caregivers leave. And, do not appear comforted when they return.
“Where have you been? Why did you leave me a while ago?” are questions they would greet their parents with. These children fear that their parents won’t return if they leave.
As adults, people with these attachments are reluctant to be close to others. Perceived anxiety that their intimate partner and loved ones don’t love them back makes them wary.
These people become very distraught when their relationships end. They need great help to get back to normal.
Avoidant-insecure attachment styles
Avoidant-insecure attachment style is different. It means a child avoids parents, does not seek much contact or comfort from parents. They do not show any preference for parents over strangers.
Even if they do, it is not considerable. They just don’t care. These children generally grow up to have problems with intimacy. They invest little to no emotion in social and romantic relationships. They are unwilling, and often unable, to share thoughts or feelings with others.
Disorganized-insecure attachment styles
As the name suggests, it does not portray any particular style of attachment. At age one, a child shows a mixture of avoidant and resistant (ambivalent) behavior. They may seem dazed, confused, or apprehensive. It’s definitely not a secure attachment style.
These children at around six may take on a parental role. For instance, some children act as caregivers towards their parents. The behavior of people with disorganized-insecure attachment styles relies on their counterparts.
If their partners are understanding, they can build a healthy relationship. But, if they end up with someone with an insecure attachment style, they face considerable problems.
All these attachment styles are based upon theory that was promulgated by John Bowlby and is often known as Bowlby’s attachment theory. It is scientifically developed on the foundation of the Protest, Despair, and Detachment model. It also backed up by Ainsworth’s Strange situation assessment and various commencing scientific experiments.
Grandpa Darwin’s evolution based philosophy also aided the promulgation of a scientific foundation for this emotional aspect that connects parents with their younger ones.
(Papalia et al., 2009; Zgourides, 2017)
References
Papalia, D. E., Olds, S. W., & Feldman, R. D. (2009). Human Development (11th ed.). http://hdr.undp.org/en/data
Zgourides, G. (2017). Developmental psychology. https://doi.org/10.1201/9781315380797
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